How Often Do Gay Couples Have Sex? Exploring Intimacy

Does the amount of times couples have sex depend on sexual orientation? You may wonder whether a gay couple’s sexual frequency is the same as a heterosexual couple. 

Often, we base our ideas of a healthy relationship on the amount of sex we have with our partner. This can lead to questions like “How often do gay couples have sex?” and “Should I be having more sex with my partner?”

The truth is everyone is different. Countless factors can affect sexual frequency. From sexual expectations to personal and life circumstances, there are many reasons why the frequency of sex could decrease. 

If you’re curious about how often gay couples have sex, we’ve got you covered! Below, we’ll look at sexual expectations, statistics, and factors that can impact how often you have sex. 

First, let’s explore expectations around sexual frequency. 

m2m in bed

Sexual Expectations: Unpacking the Factors at Play 

Over time, it’s normal for sexual frequency to decrease. In the early stages of a relationship, it’s common to have sex often. The excitement of being with someone new and developing all sorts of feelings tends to spur it on. However, over time, this can gradually decline or halt altogether. 

Sexual expectations can interfere with all kinds of couples and situations. It’s completely normal to have expectations, and they can come from all over. From conversations with friends to erotic novels, sexual expectations can make it feel like you’re falling behind. 

Equally, putting too much pressure on sex and sexual practices can make you overthink and become insecure.

Here are some sexual expectations that may affect your sexual frequency:

  • Relationship stage. It’s no secret that it’s more common for new couples to engage in a higher frequency of sexual activity. People in long-term relationships or married couples may experience more variation in how often they have sex. Keeping this in mind and remembering that there may be fluctuations in sexual frequency is essential. 

  • Personal needs. Not everyone has a high sex drive. Some people have a low libido and don’t feel in the mood for sex as much. Considering the different needs of the two partners could help manage expectations. 

  • Emotional connection. Forming an emotional connection is vital for some to have a satisfying sex life, though not universally. Expectations about connections during sex can vary.


How Often Do Gay Couples Have Sex? What Do the Statistics Reveal? 

According to a survey in 2018 of 600 American gay men, 39% of men have anal sex twice a week. Additionally, 24% of the men have anal sex twice a month, and 13% have sex daily. Of course, these statistics may differ depending on the stage and status of the relationship.

Sexual expectations play an important role in sexual frequency for couples. According to research in 2020, 32.8-53.7% of gay men in a steady relationship engage in sexual activity weekly. The study shows that 44.7-59.2% of women in same-sex couples also have weekly sexual activity with their partner. 

The New York Times noted that men in same-sex relationships experienced the lowest level of psychological distress. Women in heterosexual relationships reported the highest. This could impact the sex lives of gay couples. With less stress in a relationship, a gay couple may engage in sex more often. 

Factors That Can Affect Frequency of Sex

Many factors might affect the sex frequency of a gay couple. Remember that everyone’s different and preference is important. 

Below are some factors that could impact how often you and your partner have sex:

Relationship stage 

Aside from sexual expectations, the stage of your relationship could impact your sex frequency. During the honeymoon phase, when it’s all fresh, new, and exciting, couples tend to have sex often. However, over time, long-term relationships may notice a variation in the frequency. This goes for both straight couples and gay couples. 

It’s important to focus on you and your partner and do what’s most comfortable for both of you. Try having a conversation with your partner about your sexual frequency. Once you’re on the same page, you can try different methods to spice up your sex life. 

m2m in bed

Stress and Personal Factors

Stress plays a significant role in many situations, even in our sex lives. From work-life to family situations, financial problems, and more, there are many reasons why we can experience stress. When life gets hectic, finding time to be intimate is complicated, and the frequency of sex may decrease. 

When we get stressed, our cortisol levels increase. According to Healthy Male, “Cortisol also inhibits testosterone, the primary male sex hormone.” This hormone is “responsible for sex drive (libido) and might contribute to the blood flow changes that cause an erection.” 

When we’re stressed, we have a lot on our minds. This could also contribute to a low frequency because of overthinking and inability to let go. If you’re feeling stressed, try speaking to your partner or a professional. They may be able to support you in your worries and help you through the process. 

3. Lack of Communication 

For heterosexual couples and gay couples, communication is important. If you feel distant from your partner or disconnected, it may affect your sex life. Your partner may not realize that you want to up your frequency of sex. If you notice a change in their sexual behavior, it’s best to bring it up tactfully. 

Communicate with your partner and let them know your feelings. They might feel the same! They might also want to try something new, so opening a good level of communication may benefit you both. 


5. Lack of variety 

If you’ve been with your partner for a long time, you may benefit from adding some variety. A lack of variety can sometimes become repetitive, so why not spice it up? Talk to your partner about exploring some of your kinks, like sexy role-playing or a saucy blindfold. It’s totally up to you. 

Ask your partner if they have any fantasies, share yours, and let your desire dominate your sexual activities. 

The key factor to remember is that every couple is different. Relationship satisfaction has a lot to do with sex. Communicate with your partner, try to keep your stress under control, and spice it up now and then. Remember, there’s no set amount that you should be having sex. Shake off those sexual expectations and focus on what feels right for you and your partner. 

Looking for a New Sexual Partner? Try DoubleList! 

Exploring the diverse dynamics and individual preferences helps us understand better how often gay couples have sex. Are you looking for something and someone new? DoubleList is a dynamic dating site for open-minded singles looking to spice up their love life. The site is popular in the LGBTQ community, so you have plenty of options. If you’re looking for a potential partner or a local gay hookup, DoubleList is perfect for you! 

DoubleList lets you post personal ads and connects you to like-minded people with the same desires and preferences as you. You can find out for yourself! 

Start meeting new people on DoubleList today.