Toxic relationships are undoubtedly intense. You’ll experience both massive highs and lows, which can make you stay – even when you shouldn’t. If you’re experiencing toxicity in your relationship, you’ve likely felt unsupported, undermined, and attacked. That’s probably why you’re looking for answers to “how to fix a toxic relationship.”
Before anything else, you should determine if the relationship is worth saving in the first place. If it is, we’ll give you tips on fixing this toxic behavior.
How To Tell if You’re in a Toxic Relationship
Only you can decide whether you’re in a toxic relationship. However, there are some clear warning signs you can look out for. If someone threatens your well-being, you should leave immediately. But toxic patterns are complex and can be hard to spot until it’s too late.
You may be experiencing an unhealthy relationship if:
- You give far more than you receive, making you feel unloved and unvalued.
- Your partner drags you down, depleting your self-esteem and worth.
- You feel depressed or angry after talking to your partner.
- You’re disrespected in your relationship.
- You don’t trust your partner or have experienced infidelity in the past, such as catching them using an affair app.
- You constantly feel like you’re tiptoeing around your partner to avoid a shouting match.
- The blame is always put on you.
- Arguments last for days, and you both raise your voices rather than talk constructively.
Abusive relationships exhibit all of these signs but will also include physical, emotional, or psychological abuse. Unfortunately, a toxic relationship can evolve into an abusive one, so it’s imperative to see the signs.
Examples of Toxic vs. Healthy Behavior
To fully understand whether you’re in a toxic relationship, you should understand what healthy relationships look like. To help you out in this process, we have included some traits of toxic and healthy relationships below.
Toxic Relationships
Toxic relationships can be hard to recognize sometimes. Here are some things you should keep in mind when trying to figure out if you are in a toxic relationship:
- You feel undermined and unappreciated. You put in far more effort than them.
- Your partner is constantly negative and drags you down, which takes an emotional toll on you.
- You don’t trust your partner. They’ve either cheated in the past, or they don’t do anything to put your mind at ease. They may be on online hookup sites and talk to people behind your back.
- They make you feel overly sensitive and undermine your feelings. They don’t pay attention to your interests and won’t listen to you.
Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships also have some clear telltale signs you should be aware of, such as:
- Your partner constantly appreciates you, whether it’s with affirmations or spending quality time together.
- Through negative times, your partner tries to uplift you. You feel like you can talk to them about anything.
- Your partner only has eyes for you. They will always put your mind at ease and make you feel secure in your relationship. They won’t push your boundaries and will listen when you feel hurt.
- In your relationship, healthy communication is in place. They always listen to you and will know and understand your hobbies and interests.
Can You Fix a Toxic Relationship?
Deciding whether you can fix a toxic relationship is down to you. You need to honestly self-reflect, and both of you need to commit to change. Start by assessing how willing you both are to acknowledge the toxicity and work toward improving. If only one person is willing to make a change, your efforts will be futile.
Ask yourself these five questions to determine whether you should salvage your relationship:
- Are both partners aware of the toxicity?
- Is there a mutual desire to change and grow?
- Can both of you communicate openly and honestly?
- Are you both willing to seek help from relationship counseling?
- Can you forgive past mistakes and move forward?
If all the answers are yes, then there might be hope for your relationship. But if your trust shatters or one partner won’t change, it’s probably time to move on.
How Do You Fix a Toxic Relationship? 6 Useful Tips on What You Can Do
If you want to save your relationship, follow the steps below on how to fix a toxic relationship. This will help you address and fix any toxic behaviors.
1. Communicate Openly and Honestly
Before anything else, you need to establish open and honest lines of effective communication. Create a safer space where both of you can express your feelings without judgment or retaliation. This means you need to actively listen to each other and validate how the other one is feeling.
2. Set Boundaries
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect for one another. One way to do this is by setting clear boundaries. Figure out what behaviors are unacceptable and agree on how to handle conflicts.
Boundaries help create a sense of security and trust, which is essential for healing a toxic relationship.
3. Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, it’s worth getting outside help to navigate your issues – especially if your communication breaks down. Couples therapy can give you valuable insights and tools to help improve your relationship.
A professional will identify any toxic patterns and teach you healthier ways to deal with conflict.
4. Rebuild Trust
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Reestablishing trust after it’s broken takes time and consistent effort. Both partners need to be transparent and reliable and show a genuine commitment to change.
5. Try to Forgive
While it might seem almost impossible, you have to forgive your partner to improve your relationship. This doesn’t mean forgetting about the past altogether. Both of you need to be willing to forgive each other and not hold past mistakes over each other’s heads.
6. Spend Quality Time Together
One great way to reconnect is to spend some much-needed quality time together. Reignite the spark by taking each other on dates to create more positive memories. All of this will help to strengthen your bond. It will also help you remember why you fell in love in the first place!
How To Fix a Toxic Relationship After Breaking Up
Rekindling your relationship after you’ve broken up is challenging but not impossible. Before you try to win your partner back, remember why you broke up in the first place.
If it was toxic, it might be best just to move on. If there were redeeming qualities, then it might be worth learning how to fix a toxic relationship after breaking up.
Here’s how to approach getting your ex-partner back delicately.
Take the Time To Reflect
Before jumping straight back in, take the time to reflect on why you broke up in the first place. Identify what went wrong and what should change to avoid repeating the same mistakes.
Rebuild Slowly
Start by rebuilding what you had. Take things slowly—don’t rush into a romantic relationship. This will allow you to establish a stronger foundation built on trust and respect.
Address Your Past Issues
Don’t sweep your past issues under the rug. You need to address them head-on and find ways to resolve them. This might involve seeking some professional help to navigate your complex emotions and past conflicts.
Focus on Being Positive
Shift your focus to more positive behavior and interactions with your ex. Celebrate your small wins and progress – try not to dwell on the past. There’s a reason you want to get back together!
When You Should Walk Away From a Toxic Relationship
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you can’t salvage a toxic relationship. Knowing when to walk away is crucial for your well-being. Consider ending the relationship if any of these points apply:
- Your partner refuses to address toxic behavior.
- There is ongoing abuse, whether physical or emotional.
- Trust can’t be rebuilt, and cheating carries on.
- The relationship impacts your mental and emotional well-being.
- You feel trapped and constantly unhappy.
- All efforts to improve your relationship are one-sided.
We know that ending a toxic relationship can be incredibly difficult. But it’s often the healthiest choice. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. If you’re struggling to cope, try talking to a counselor. They can help rebuild your confidence and self-worth.
If you’re in an abusive relationship and need help, contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.
FAQs
Can toxic relationships be fixed?
Some toxic relationships are fixable. However, it takes effort and commitment from both sides. You should both have a willingness to change. It’s also important to recognize toxic behavior on both sides to create a far healthier dynamic.
What are the main signs that I should walk away?
Consider walking away if you’re going through abuse or gaslighting. A refusal to change and a lack of trust are also major signs that it isn’t going to work. Constant unhappiness and feeling trapped in your relationship are strong indicators that you deserve better.
How can I tell if I’m in a toxic relationship?
Signs you’re in a toxic relationship include feeling unsupported, undermined, and undervalued. Constant negativity, a lack of trust, or disrespect are also clear red flags. Every relationship is different, but if you feel drained and experience strong highs and lows, you’re likely toxic.
Why is my relationship so toxic?
Relationships can become toxic for plenty of reasons. Normally, it’s because one or both partners have internal issues that reflect in the relationship. This includes low self-esteem, past trauma, or unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Besides this, it might also be due to poor communication or unresolved conflicts like infidelity. For instance, if you have caught your significant other on sites like Ashley Madison.
How long does it take to fix a toxic relationship?
There’s no set time that it will take to fix a toxic relationship. It depends on how serious your issues are. Both of you also need to be willing to change and work on how you act around each other. Couples need to put in the effort together, whether it’s going on dates or individual counseling.
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