Emotional Abuse Checklist: Spotting the Signs Early

An emotionally abusive relationship is where one or both partners belittle, insult, or humiliate the other. It’s a serious form of psychological abuse designed to frighten or control somebody. Unfortunately, this kind of coercive control builds very slowly over time. You might only spot this harmful behavior when you’re too deep into the relationship and too invested to walk away. 

It’s important to remember that it’s never too late to get out of an abusive partner/domestic violence situation. Our emotional abuse checklist will help you pinpoint poor behavior so you can address it quickly. We’ll also give you guidance on how to get out of a dangerous situation safely. 

If you’re being physically or mentally abused, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233).

What Is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is behavior that manipulates, intimidates, or belittles a partner. There’s no one form of emotional abuse. It could be constant criticism, gaslighting, or giving you the silent treatment, which are certainly not good qualities in a partner. 

Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse is sometimes harder to recognize. But it is just as damaging to someone’s emotional state. 

Victims of emotional abuse will start to feel isolated or unsure about how they’re feeling. Abusive partners will try to undermine self-esteem, so their partner becomes more dependent on them.

If you feel like you’re going through abuse, you need to recognize the warning signs early. It will prevent worse psychological harm to you, so you can enjoy healthy relationships moving forward. 

Domestic Emotional Abuse Checklist

Below is a checklist of emotional abuse. If your relationship ticks more than a few of these boxes, you may be experiencing psychological abuse. It goes beyond a toxic relationship and could lead to physical harm if left unchecked. 

• Constant criticism – Your partner constantly criticizes your choices, opinions or appearance. All this leaves you feeling inadequate. 
• Gaslighting – They make you question reality. You might often doubt your own perceptions and feelings. 
• Isolation – Your partner stops you from seeing family and friends, so you’re only dependent on them.
• Blame-shifting – They blame you for their anger or poor behavior. You feel like you’re responsible for their emotions.
• Silent treatment – They refuse to communicate when you argue. This leaves you constantly anxious about your relationship. 
• Threats – Your partner threatens to leave you or take something away from you, like your phone. They use fear to control how you behave. They could yell at you constantly and make you feel unsafe. 
• Coercive Control – They monitor everything you do. Your partner will often dictate where you can go and who you’re allowed to see. 
• Manipulation – Your partner might guilt or shame you to manipulate how you feel. 
• Downplays your accomplishments – They downplay your achievements and make you feel like you haven’t done enough. 
• They overreact – Your partner dismisses your feelings, calling you overly sensitive or cold. 

If any of these red flags sounds familiar, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) for advice. 

Domestic Violence Emotional Abuse Checklist

Emotional abuse can progress to domestic violence if left unchecked. Here is a checklist that could indicate that you’re in physical danger. If you don’t act fast, things could escalate. If you’re scared for your well-being, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) immediately. 

• Constant arguments – Your partner finds reasons to argue with you, even about trivial stuff. 
• Physical intimidation – They might not be hitting you, but they use their presence to scare you. 
• Substance abuse – Substance abuse issues can exacerbate any emotional abuse. Behavior will likely become increasingly volatile. 
• Public humiliation – Your partner belittles or insults you constantly in public and in front of your loved ones. They do this to assert dominance over you, making you feel small. 
• Financial control – They control all your finances, leaving you with limited access to money. This is so you solely depend on them.
• Dismissing your feelings – Your thoughts and feelings are both dismissed and mocked constantly. 
• Withholding love & affection – They won’t show affection after you argue. This is a form of punishment. 
• Mood swings – Their mood is unpredictable. They leave you constantly on edge and you’re unsure which side of them you’re going to get. 
• No support – They never support your goals or interests, so you feel alone in life. 

What To Do if You’re Being Emotionally Abused

If you’ve checked any boxes on both checklists, you need to act fast to protect yourself. Remember that you don’t deserve to be treated this way, and their behavior is not your fault. 

If you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship, you likely struggle to imagine life without them. This means their manipulation tactic is working on you, and you might not even realize it. Constant belittling and taking away your liberties will have long-term psychological effects on you. 

Here’s what to do if you’re being emotionally abused. 

1. Recognize the abuse: First, you need to acknowledge that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Try to pinpoint what behavior indicates this.
2. Reach out for support: Talk to your friends, family, or support groups about your suffering. This will give you a new perspective and encourage you to do the right thing for yourself. If your partner is limiting communication with loved ones, this can be tricky. You might need an exit plan before you can do this. 
3. Keep records of poor behavior: Document all abusive incidents. If this is over text or phone call, record all conversations for evidence. 
4. Consider professional help: Talking to a therapist or counselor will help you navigate your feelings. It’s also a great way to develop your own unique coping mechanisms. 
5. Develop an exit plan: If you feel unsafe or can’t take emotional abuse anymore, plan a way to leave safely. We’ll cover this in more detail later. 

Remember, you don’t have to endure this alone. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) for guidance and support.

How To Leave an Abusive Relationship Safely

An exit plan for leaving an abusive relationship ensures you get out as safely as possible. Emotional abuse is a prerequisite for physical abuse. Even if you don’t feel threatened at the moment, it’s always important to tread carefully. 

Here is a simple exit plan.

Create a Safety Plan

Plan how you’re going to leave. It might be when your partner is at work or visiting family. Either way, do it discreetly and with the help of family and friends. Set up suitable living accommodations and don’t tell your partner where you’re going. 

Seek Outside Help

Inform your close family and friends about your situation and exit plans. They will not only be able to provide emotional and physical support but also give you a place to stay. Leaving an abusive relationship is a difficult time, so it’s essential to have a support network. 

Keep Your Important Documents Safe

Make sure that all your essential documents (ID, passport, bank details) are in a safe place. This gives you the chance to make a quick exit. 

Change Your Contact Information

Change your phone number, email address, and social media pages so your partner can’t contact you. They will likely do everything they can to manipulate their way back into your life. 

Alternatively, block their number and social media accounts and set everything to private. Turn off all location services on your phone. 

Use Available Victim Resources

Reach out to local shelters and support services for immediate help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) can help you find resources in your local area.

Find a New and Healthy Relationship on DoubleList

If you’re checking all the boxes in our emotional abuse checklist, then it is time to leave this relationship and get a fresh start. DoubleList can help. Our personal ads platform allows you to meet like-minded singles in your local area. It’s a safe space to meet new people and explore potential relationships. 

All you need to do is write your own personal ad, stating what you’re looking for. Then, simply wait for the replies to roll into your inbox! Check out DoubleList now to find the loving relationship you deserve.

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