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Let’s be honest. You probably wouldn’t have clicked on this article if you didn’t already suspect that your partner might be bisexual. Maybe it was an off-hand remark they made about someone of the opposite gender as you, or perhaps an old intimate photo you came across of your partner and his or her ex that set the alarm bells ringing in your mind. But as you probably already know, determining someone’s sexuality without them explicitly telling you isn’t easy. Due to issues like biphobia and bisexual erasure, your partner may not feel safe coming out as a bi –even to you. Then there’s also the possibility that your partner might not evenrealize that they’re bi, as well. Complex? Indeed. With that said, though, there are a few signs that may indicate that your partner swings both sides. But first, let’s cover some facts about bisexuality.
By definition, bisexuality is described as the capacity for emotional, romantic, and/or physical attraction to more than one gender – not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.
A person who identifies as bisexual may not experience an equal 50/50 attraction to both genders. Instead, a bisexual orientation speaks to the potential for – but not a requirement of – involvement with more than one gender.
Bisexuality is distinct from homosexuality, where emotional, romantic, and sexual attractions are directed only toward members of the same genders. A common misconception about bisexuality is that it’s just a pit stop on the way to Gay Town, but it’s not.
As American psychiatrist and sex researcher Fritz Klein has said, “bisexuality is not disguised homosexuality, nor is it disguised heterosexuality. It is another way of sexual expression.”
What’s the difference between pansexual and bisexual?
The most significant difference between bisexuality and pansexuality is the focus on gender identity. A pansexual is someone who is attracted – either physically or emotionally – to all genders; this includes cisgender, transgender, agender, and gender-nonconforming individuals.
If your partner is bisexual, they may have dated or had a crush on someone of the opposite gender as you before you met them. Get your partner to share stories about their exes, or funny experiences they had with sex. Listen up for any signs that she or he may have been involved with multiple genders by catching the gender pronouns that they use.
But what if they steer clear of any 'he' or 'she' pronouns? Well, that can be a sign that your partner is trying to hide their sexual history from you; maybe he or she is not comfortable to share that information with you yet, so be sure not to pry!
Body language is an easy giveaway. Notice how your partner behaves around someone attractive of the opposite gender as you. Does he or she let their eyes linger for what seems to be an additional moment over the face or body of the said attractive individual? Does your partner suddenly behave out of character? What about touching – does your partner get all (unusually) handsy when allowed to interact with the person?
All these are tell-tale signs of physical attraction. If your partner isn’t bisexual, they’d probably be friendly towards the person, rather than overly-enthusiastic. There’s a difference, so keep your eyes peeled for the signs.
Other than your partner, who do you hang out with the most? If you’re like most people, you spend the majority of your day with individuals you identify with; friends who share the same beliefs and interests as you do. So, if you find that most of your partner’s friends are a part of the LGBTQ+ community, where most of her friends identify as lesbians, gays, or bisexuals, it’s highly likely that your partner is part of the LGBTQ+ community.
Does your partner get off on watching porn videos that star a gender opposite of yours? If they do, you’d know that they’re physically attracted to multiple genders. And while that does not prove that your partner is indeed bisexual, it’s a sign that they might have a slight inclination toward the sexual orientation.
But what if you're not sure what kind of porn your partner watches, or enjoys, because both of you have never brought it up, or he or she has a habit of clearing their browsing history? Well, first of all: don't stalk your partner's activity on the Internet! That's a massive trust-breaker in a relationship. What you should do, instead, is to ask. Bring it up as a form of foreplay; mention that you'd like to watch porn together to enhance your sex life.
One of the most definitive ways to tell if your partner is bisexual is through their settings on dating apps – does he or she have it set to 'both genders' on Tinder and OkCupid? But what if your partner has now deleted these apps from their phones? Well, do your best to recall what their settings were before they met you!
Otherwise, if you’re in an open relationship and your partner is still busy swiping away on those apps, keep an eye out for who he or she is swiping right on: do they match with both men and women alike?
A threesome is a ubiquitous sexual fantasy for bisexuals, as they'd get to enjoy having sex with people of two different genders. So, if your partner enjoys dirty talk that plays into this genre, or continually brings up the possibility of indulging in a threesome with you, it's highly likely that your partner is bisexual.
Then again, your partner may simply like threesomes because they like the erotic nature of the act the same way some straight people like threesomes. And that leads us to the final point below.
The only way you can ever be sure that your partner is bisexual is when you talk to them. But always do so in a non- threatening and accusatory manner; think about it: when was the last time you shared your vulnerabilities with someone who accused you of something? Probably never, and the same holds for your partner.
Have a rational discussion with your partner about his sexuality. After all, you're in this relationship, and you deserve answers. Only, try your best to get them with as little friction as possible. Tell your partner you're not looking for an argument, and you're not making false allegations against them – all you want is honesty in your relationship.
By now, you may have gotten a clearer idea of how your partner identifies. Take some time to process what this new information means to you. But hey, even if your partner is genuinely bisexual, nothing needs to change about your relationship. You’re both still in a loving, committed relationship. Rather than getting hung up on sexuality terms and labels, embrace your partner’s love for yourself. Isn’t that all that matters, after all?