{"id":46097,"date":"2024-09-02T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-09-02T08:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/doublelist.com\/blog\/?p=46097"},"modified":"2024-11-11T04:06:19","modified_gmt":"2024-11-11T04:06:19","slug":"controlling-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/doublelist.com\/blog\/controlling-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Controlling Relationship: Signs To Look Out For"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Controlling behavior often creeps into a relationship very gradually – by the time you notice, it\u2019s often too late. A controlling partner isn\u2019t something to take lightly. Emotional abuse can turn physical if ignored. Being in a controlling relationship can leave you with low self-worth. In extreme cases, you could have long-lasting trauma. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Spotting the early warning signs could save you from months of abuse and heartache. Read this article to learn more about this form of abuse and how to spot the signs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Is a Controlling Relationship: How Is It Different From Others?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

When you think of a controlling partner, you might think of someone who openly screams at their partner. But it\u2019s not normally the case. Control can happen without the person even realizing it as it happens so gradually. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A controlling relationship is a form of psychological abuse<\/a> where one partner tries to dominate the other\u2019s thoughts and behavior. There\u2019s normally an imbalance of power, and they will use manipulation and coercion to completely dominate their partner. This type of abuse occurs most in a romantic relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Control occurs in toxic relationships<\/a> as a way to control and monitor a partner. Over time, this can change from constant criticism to physical violence.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Learning the Difference Between Jealousy and Control<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Jealousy is a natural emotion in a healthy relationship. However, control is a reaction to extreme jealousy and is the systematic attempt to dominate somebody. Jealousy will lead to occasional arguments, but that\u2019s as far as it goes. With control, there\u2019s consistent monitoring and criticism. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jealousy stems from insecurity. Control is all about power<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jealousy also depends on the situation and is a temporary feeling, whereas control is pervasive and persistent. They behave in a way that undermines their partner\u2019s independence and autonomy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Understanding the key differences between both will help you to identify and address the root causes of these issues. You need to be able to recognize when jealousy crosses the line into control. The latter is a red flag that you\u2019re in an abusive relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7 Signs of a Controlling Relationship<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Recognizing the signs of a controlling relationship can be the very first step toward breaking free. Here are some of the common behaviors you need to look out for. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Isolation\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Your partner cuts you off from family and friends. They want to be your only support source to have more influence over your life. Isolating you makes it harder for you to get help or realize what\u2019s happening. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Criticism\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

They will constantly belittle you and make you feel worthless. They might pick apart your appearance or accomplishments. The goal is to ruin your self-esteem over time so you rely on their approval to feel good. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Checking Your Activities\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Controlling partners always need to know where you are and who you\u2019re with at all times. They will check your phone and social media all the time. Invading your privacy helps them to maintain control over you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Gaslighting\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Gaslighting causes you to doubt your reality and question your sanity and beliefs. It involves denying facts and lying, as well as distorting the truth so you feel confused. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Controlling Finances\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Controlling and abusive partners will limit your access to money or control your finances. They might give you an allowance and monitor your spending. They may even deny that they have access to your bank accounts. All of these efforts make it far harder for you to leave them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. Physical Abuse\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

They may start by threatening and intimidating you, which will eventually lead to physical violence. An abusive partner will likely apologize and then hurt you over and over again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. Emotional Manipulation<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

They use guilt or fear to control you. It might be emotional outbursts or the silent treatment. They may use your vulnerabilities against you to manipulate how you respond to them.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Early Signs of a Controlling Man<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Both genders can be controlling. However, men often exhibit unique behaviors compared to women. Here are the early signs of a controlling man that you need to look out for. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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  1. Excessive jealousy –<\/strong> He gets upset with you over trivial interactions with others. This escalates to accusations of cheating or demands you limit your friendships. He might also accuse you of using affair apps<\/a> or cheating.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. Rushes the relationship –<\/strong> He moves far too fast. He\u2019ll declare his love far too soon and will ask to move in quickly. You\u2019ll discuss future plans like marriage very early on.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. Sets unrealistic expectations<\/strong> – He expects you to meet all his needs including emotional support. You constantly need to validate him.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  4. Tries to isolate you –<\/strong> He\u2019ll keep you away from your support system. Watch out for him speaking poorly of your friends or family. He may even try to cause fights between you and your support to make it easier to control you.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  5. Shifts the blame –<\/strong> Nothing is ever his fault. Blame will always fall on you. If he does something wrong, then it\u2019s your problem. For example, you caught him on Ashley Madison<\/a>, but he claims you drove him to cheat.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    Early Signs of a Controlling Woman<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    Women often use different methods to enact control, which can be equally damaging. Early warning signs to watch out for include: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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    1. Over-checking: <\/strong>She wants to constantly check your phone and messages. She invades your privacy by monitoring you – even when you don\u2019t realize it.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    2. Possessiveness:<\/strong> She only wants you all to herself and likes to exclude others. She may try to isolate you from friends and family.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    3. Emotional blackmail: <\/strong>She uses guilt to get her own way. She\u2019ll make you feel solely responsible for her happiness and well-being. If you do something she doesn\u2019t like, she\u2019ll become overly emotional and lay her problems on you.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    4. Manipulative behavior:<\/strong> She twists every situation to her advantage. This involves exaggerating and lying. She may only present some of the information to control the narrative.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    5. Constant criticism:<\/strong> She\u2019ll belittle your achievements and decisions. This is to break down your self-esteem so you feel dependent on her approval.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
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      How To Spot a Controlling Partner<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

      If you want to spot whether you have a controlling partner, you need to pay attention to their actions. Then, think about how it makes you feel. If you constantly feel unhappy or afraid about what they might do, you\u2019re likely being controlled. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Here are some key things to look out for if you\u2019re feeling controlled in your relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      1. Feeling Afraid\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      You feel scared to open up and express how you feel. All the decisions you make leave you with a sense of dread, as you’re worried about your partner\u2019s reaction. This fear often stems from their unpredictable reactions or aggressive behavior. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      2. Walking on Eggshells\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      Like all domestic abuse situations, you\u2019re terrified of upsetting them. You become hypervigilant and anxious whenever you\u2019re around them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      3. Losing Independence\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      You don\u2019t feel as capable when it comes to making your own choices. You find yourself second-guessing everything you do. You might even feel that you need to constantly consult your partners when it comes to decisions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      4. Lower Self-Esteem\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      Your confidence and self-worth are far worse than before you got together. This often happens gradually when critiques and control start wearing you down. You might rely on them for approval and compliments. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      5. Physical Stress Symptoms\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      Stress can manifest into physical symptoms. If you constantly have a headache, stomach pain, or you can\u2019t sleep, your relationship is taking its toll on you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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      When To Leave a Controlling Relationship<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

      Leaving a controlling relationship can be one of the toughest things you ever do. But it\u2019s worth it for your long-term health and happiness. There might not be physical abuse right now, but it\u2019s often the next step. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      As soon as you experience physical violence, you need to protect yourself and leave immediately. Your life could be in danger. Similarly, if you feel despair and hopelessness, your mental health will suffer permanently unless you leave. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      If control behaviors are worsening, for instance they\u2019re isolating you from family, you also should leave immediately. They\u2019re trying to make it harder for you to escape. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Finally, if you genuinely fear for your safety, then you\u2019re most likely in imminent danger. Call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline<\/a> for fast help and advice. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

      How To Get Out of a Controlling Relationship Safely<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

      When you\u2019re in a controlling relationship, you need to plan how you leave so you can stay safe. If you leave with no protection in place, you could put yourself in serious danger. Here are the steps you should take to get ready to leave your abusive partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n