Friends With Benefits: Just-Wanna-Have-Fun Rules You Need to Know

Doublelist Team

January 11, 2023 9 minutes read
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There’s more than one way to look at a “friends with benefits” scenario, and prevailing dating trends show that more and more people prefer the all-fun and no-commitment FWB status quo.

Is it just for people who are flaky, immature, and capricious? Or are they actually free-spirited, open-minded, and more evolved emotionally? If you’re interested in such a relationship, is there a bad and a right way to do it? Here’s everything you need to know about a friends with benefits arrangement, or having your cake and eating it, too.

Banana cat

FWB Friends With Benefits: NSA Sexual Fun and Why It Can Be Healthy

In a friends-with-benefits, NSA arrangement, two friends enjoy a sexual relationship sans the expectation of an emotional investment and a long-term commitment. Caring for each other is not always prohibited; but it’s also not required. There’s no expectation of monogamy, and strings of any kind are non-existent. The “friends” satisfy each other’s sexual needs; they may even enjoy each other’s company. But they’re free to engage in casual sex or go on dates with other people.

Some people consider occasional or regular hookup partners as the same as friends with benefits. The relationship is strictly a physical one. For others, the relationship is predicated on being honest-to-goodness friends with their NSA sexual partner. This means that there is some degree of emotional, albeit non-romantic, connection involved.

FWB/Friends With Benefits: A Contract Between Consenting Adults

Most people start exploring the friends-with-benefits path in college. But any adult who’s just looking for sexual satisfaction but has no need for an emotional commitment and romance can engage in a FWB relationship at any stage in their life. The types of people who enjoy the FWB setup usually include:

  • People who are transitioning out of a recently-ended, serious relationship.

  • Those who want to freely explore their sexuality.

  • Those who enjoy hooking up or engaging in casual sex with more than one partner.

  • Friends who are sexually attracted to each other but are not interested in romance or exclusivity.

  • People with healthy, sexual needs but are not ready for or interested in getting involved emotionally, or who may have a fear of intimacy.

  • Somebody in an open relationship and whose sexual needs and drive can only be met by a legitimate third party (or parties).

FWB/Friends-With-Benefits Rules

Whatever your motivations are for starting a FWB relationship, it’s important to set some ground rules. Having FWB/friends-with-benefits rules is key to having all the sexual fun and pleasure you want, without any drama and complications.

Bear Honey

FWB Rule #1: Define Your Sexual Parameters and Expectations

Talk to your FWB partner about what both of you like in bed and what acts/behaviors are off-limits. Is it okay to take photos or to record a video? Do you want to engage in oral sex and nothing more? Is anal penetration absolutely forbidden? Do you or your partner have a kink or fetish? Are you interested in BDSM? Is cuddling allowed after? Make sure there’s mutual consent and agreement with regards to these sexual ground rules.

It’s important that these ground rules include practicing safe sex. And take note that safe sex is not only limited to using a condom or some other protection each and every time. You and your partner must also discuss your sexual health and sexual history, especially if one or both of you enjoy having multiple sex partners.

FWB Rule #2: Be Clear About Your Intentions

Before any sexy hanky panky even begins, you should be clear, without a shadow of a doubt, that you only want sex and nothing more. Be honest about your reasons for not wanting to be involved romantically. You should also put it out there that you’re interested in a FWB setup and would want to see them again, although there may or may not be a time commitment. Make sure the other person is okay with you seeing other people. This will indicate whether or not they’re genuinely satisfied just being friends with benefits. Do NOT mislead somebody whom you know wants something serious.

Friends-With-Benefits Rule #3: Keep Feelings Out of the Equation

Don’t forget that being “friends with benefits” is only about physical attraction and sexual satisfaction. There should be no “warm and fuzzies” in and outside the bedroom. No need to hold hands or be sweet to each other when going on dates; dates may even be too much. Avoid calling each other pet names, unless both of you agree that “baby” or “sweetheart” means nothing. Don’t get jealous if you know or see them with somebody else. If you or your partner experiences jealousy, talk about it and re-evaluate your relationship.

Keeping a lid on your emotions when you’re with your FWB partner, even if you’re actual friends, means just focusing all your energy on enjoying the sexual aspect of your relationship. Just immerse yourself completely in the moment. Don’t entertain any notion of romance or a lasting future with them.

FWB Rule #4: Define Your Relationship Outside the Bedroom

What relationship will you have outside the “benefits” part of your friends with benefits arrangement? You have to have clear rules about your boundaries and expectations outside the bedroom. These will mostly depend on whether or not you’re friends or simple acquaintances.

The rules may include what happens immediately before and after your sexual escapades. Is dinner acceptable? What about a sleepover? Coffee or breakfast the morning after? Do you prefer not to have any type of communication for a certain period of time after you part ways? What do you want to know/share in terms of what happens in each other’s lives?

If you’re friends, when do you turn on/off the “just friends” mode and the “friends with benefits” mode? If you share the same group of friends, do you mind if your other friends know about your arrangement? Or would you rather keep things discreet?

FWB Rule #5: Be Clear That the Relationship Is Subject to Termination

Perhaps you have an “expiration date” set for every FWB fling you engage in. Or your special friend is only engaging in NSA sex until they meet somebody they’d want to have a serious relationship with. Or you know that after 5 or 6 hookups, you lose interest.

All good things, no matter how good, will eventually come to an end. There may not be an actual deadline, but it’s important that both of you understand that your arrangement has a time limit. You and your partner may even agree on and set “that” date.

Friends-with-benefits Rule #6: Don’t Let Your NSA Flings Hold You Back From Serious Possibilities

Your friends with benefits flings serve the purpose of satisfying your sexual needs without the complexities of emotional involvement. But don’t let all the fun you’re having get in the way of the possibility of a lasting and happy relationship. If you see and want this possibility with someone, then it may be time for you to scale back or completely stop your FWB affairs.

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Friends-With-Benefits Rule #7: Be Honest.

Be honest about your feelings. If you start developing feelings for your FWB partner, or your sexual attraction/interest diminishes, let them know. If they “catch feelings” for you, you should also be truthful about where they stand and how things might change. If you want to pursue a romantic relationship with somebody else, let your friend know that it’s over.

Honest and open communication is a crucial element in a healthy friends with benefits arrangement. So regularly check in with your friend to make sure that both of you are still on the same page. Perhaps you find yourself enjoying the time you spend together and want to explore the possibility of something more. The two of you will have to sit down and re-evaluate your situation.

Friends-With-Benefits Rule #8: Consider Your Choices Carefully

How do you choose a friend with benefits? The physical attraction is often important, but how crucial is the “friend” part? What are you looking for in a friends with benefits arrangement in terms of level of comfortability, honesty, and trust?

Perhaps an acquaintance would be the ideal choice if you think engaging in casual sex with a friend would ruin the friendship. Or you may opt for a close friend if you believe your relationship is strong enough to outlast a fling.

The right choice depends on how big a role a person has in your life and how you would feel about them in the long term. Of course, the other person’s thoughts on the matter are just as important.

Friends-With-Benefits Website: Is It a Good Option?

Finding a potential partner on a friends with benefits website or a hookup site is a good option if an impersonal, sexual relationship is what you’re after. There are tons of sites where casual dating and casual sex are the norm and not the exception. Sexual compatibility is easy enough to establish. When you find a sexual match, all you have to work on is developing a level of comfort and trust that’s appropriate for a healthy friends-with-benefits relationship.

Dog cucumber

Find a Friend With Benefits Online

Where’s the best place to find a friend with benefits online? A site where all sexual identities and preferences are welcome and where you can match with people based on similar interests and desire. DoubleList fits the bill perfectly.

On DoubleList, you can safely and conveniently explore tons of FWB possibilities because matching is also based on location. Needless to say, your sex buddy should be easily accessible, so matching with somebody near you is important.

The listings on DoubleList adult classifieds are a no-holds-barred selection of sexual proclivities and interests. Whatever you’re into, there’s something for everybody on the site. Signing up is free and easy, and you can remain anonymous until you’re ready for your IRL encounter.

DoubleList is available in more than 248 locations in the United States, so you have great odds of connecting with someone in your area whose needs and desires match yours. Set up your next hookup soon! Sign up for a free account now!

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